backward

I've served in the Young Women organization for our LDS ward for the past two and a half years. Because I am around teenage girls a lot, I hear a little of what is going on in their schools. Usually I am not pleased with what I hear, most recently concerning the high school dance situation.

Girls talking in the back of my car on the way home from a mutual activity: 

Girl 1: "So, who are you going to prom with?"
Girl 2: "Oh, I don't know. I haven't asked anyone yet."
Me, from the front seat, appalled: "What do you mean!? Isn't it a boy's choice dance?"
Girl 2: "Yeah, but the boys aren't asking any of us. So we will just ask them."
(Here, I took the time to teach the girls a little about not being so forward and letting the boys take some responsibility. Even if it means missing prom.) 

And last week I was talking with a darling 16-year-old girl. I asked her if she had been on any group dates or dances. She said no and reported that most of the dances at school are girl's choice. (Unlike the girl in the above conversation, this one isn't much interested in asking the boys to dances. I don't blame her! I didn't love it either. It is the boy's job to ask a girl out. So why don't we get out of the way and let them man up and do it?) I'd like to verify the information* before I get too upset, but she told me five of the dances are girl's choice and two are boy's choice. I thought it was silly enough in my high school when we had half and half. I don't doubt that they make more money and have better attendance at girl's choice dances. Meanwhile the fabric of society is falling apart, no thanks to the high school dance schedule.

Am I in the twilight zone? What's wrong with the boys? What's wrong with the girls? (What's wrong with the high school?) I say there are problems on all parts. Girls are too forward, leaving the boys to be lazy. Growing up, my parents had a rule that we were not to call boys just to chat. (They could call us and we could talk for 15 minutes or so.) I think this rule is actually a great one. If girls are calling, or texting, boys all the time the boys will surely see that they can sit back and still get all the female attention they could want - and probably even much more than they care for. Some may think this is all harmless, but I see it as a dangerous trend in society. It's bad news. And if you heard some of the messages from General Conference this past weekend, you too know this is a serious problem.

What can be done about it? I guess it has to start in my own home. Call me old-fashioned, but I think we will carry on my family rule of girls not calling boys. (And if boys call girls, no need to talk at length. A 15 minute chat is sufficient and fun.) I'm not crazy about the cell phone idea all together. I don't like the constant texting that goes on. Maybe my kids will be some of the few teenagers without cell phones, so be it. And as for dates and dances, Jonny and I plan on teaching our son (sons? Only time will tell. This is not an announcement!) to take a girl out on a date every now and then. Sure, our girls can ask a boy out a few times to specified girl's choice dances. But I sincerely hope and pray these will become the exception on the high school dance schedule. I think I will write a friendly, concerned email to Westlake High right now. It's gotta start somewhere.

I guess that's enough ranting for now. I just wonder what the world will be like in 10 years, 15 years. I bet my family will be old-fashioned. We will be peculiar. And shouldn't we be? Times are changing. Long-standing, worthy, moral traditions are being neglected. How thankful I am to know of the true Gospel of Jesus Christ. That way, I don't need to fear the future, but I can have faith and do what it takes to prepare. Good luck to us all! It's not going to be easy.

*CORRECTION: I just received a return email from an administrator at the high school. My teenage friend's facts were indeed exaggerated. There are actually three girl's choice dances (Sadie Hawkins, Sweethearts, Morp) and two boy's choice dances (Homecoming, Prom). He says it is set up this way to balance out the costs. I say it is still unbalanced in the wrong direction, equality of costs set aside. Prom doesn't have to be so ridiculously expensive. And furthermore, life's not fair. Boys spend more money on dating, girls do all the hard work of bearing children later in life! (Not to mention all the annoying female things we have to put up with most of our lives.) Not the best comparison, perhaps, but the point is that things don't and shouldn't always equal out.  I'm terribly archaic, I know, but I believe in traditional gender roles. Things won't be equal and fair between men and women after high school, so why skew their perspectives now?