Our Beautiful Boys

It is so good to be home. I was taken good care of at AF Hospital, but, well, there's no place like home! I missed Jonny and the kids. I missed my food. And I missed my bed. I was only in the hospital for less than three days. But that's a lot when all you have to do is miss your family, long to be with your newborn babies, and cry. But now I'm home! And visiting the babies at least once a day. Yes, it's good be home.

I was discharged Friday at noon and headed straight to my boys at UVRMC. The night before when I got up to use the bathroom and I could still hardly walk through the pain of every step, I was discouraged and wondered if I'd really be able to leave in the morning. I prayed myself to sleep. In the morning I sat up and walked with more ease and less pain than anytime in the previous three days. I was so encouraged! I washed my face, put on some real clothes, applied a little makeup, and still had enough energy to shuffle around the room and begin packing up. I was proud to be up and about when Jonny arrived. Then we were off!

I don't know why, but I was a little nervous during the drive to Provo. Maybe it was just excitement. I had only seen my babies twice so far - once right after delivery for a few seconds, and another time right before they took off in their helicopters early Wednesday morning. Were they really mine? During my stay in the hospital it was easy to forget why I was there - because I gave birth to two babies! (There were plenty of reminders. Pumping, when all I wanted to do was breastfeed my newborns. Pictures and phone calls from the NICU. And hearing a baby cry out in the hall. That always brought on the tears. It was a long 3 nights and 2.5 days.)

Inside the NICU I was directed first to Michael's bed/station. I immediately burst into tears. I think the nurse thought I was scared or discouraged at seeing him all tangled in tubes and wires because she quickly began explaining what everything was for. But I wasn't scared at all. I was in complete awe that he was mine. He was beautiful. He looked so much better than the pictures I had seen! I was finally with my baby.

Michael

Then I walked across to Daniel. He was just as wonderful as Michael. And he was mine too! I was giddy when the nurse asked if I wanted to change his diaper. Then I helped take his temperature. And only a few minutes after that he was in my arms, against my bare skin. I held him for over an hour, but it seemed like minutes. I'd doze a little then wake up and see my baby. I will never forget sitting in that comfortable chair with my sweet boy in my arms. It was heaven.

Holding Daniel for the first time

Jonny held Michael while I held Daniel. (Unpictured, darn it! In fact, I don't believe I have one picture of Jonny with the boys yet!? I will get right on that...) Then it was time to leave the boys and head home to my other sweeties! You'd think this second separation from the twins would be traumatic for me like the first one was. But I was at peace. Of course I was sad to leave them and wished they could be at home with the rest of us who are so anxious to have them, but it was okay. I smiled on the drive home, thinking about my beautiful boys.

The thing is, there is a silver lining. As badly as I want the babies home, their time in the NICU will give me time to recover. It's still painful to walk, laugh, cry, breathe, and even talk too much. But I am seeing some real improvement here on day 6 after delivery, and that is very encouraging to me. I want to be ready to take care of all five of my kids when the boys get home. I might just be! When I visit them we all cheer one another on in our recovery so we can be reunited for good very soon.

How are the boys doing? How long will they be in the NICU? They are really doing extremely well. Thankfully they don't have any serious problems, they were just a little too early. So it's just a matter of getting them to breathe unassisted, helping them learn to eat, and chubbing them up a little. I'm producing more milk than they need at this point, so it's nice to know I can provide for them! Daniel was taken off CPAP (Continual Positive Airway Pressure) yesterday and is doing well with lower and lower levels on the nasal cannula. Michael was so annoyed with the CPAP headgear that he kept getting it out of place yesterday! Because they just couldn't keep it positioned correctly, they moved him to the high flow cannula. He is doing just fine! Michael also has his phototherapy treatment for jaundice through a special blanket instead of the lights. He didn't like the mask over his eyes! That boy seems to know how to get what he wants. :/ Daniel appears to be pretty content with whatever and is still under the phototherapy lights. But I got to see his curious eyes when we took his mask off yesterday. So interesting to see their individual personalities already. I guess it really started at birth, when Michael had to be born a different way from his brother. Such independence! And that is important for twins, you know :)

So that is the latest on our super cool guys. We love them like crazy and really can't wait to have them home and in our arms. That'll be a whole new adventure!

Holding Michael for the first time

 Daniel off CPAP

 A very expensive t-shirt!

Michael's head looks a lot smaller than it actually is because of the camera angle. But it was the first time I could kiss him while holding him because his CPAP hat is off! 

 Daniel, checking out the world

 Michael, frustrated with the headgear that's obstructing his newfound vision!

Michael, finally content without all the CPAP falderal and phototherapy mask